It has been a week.
A week of frustration, anger, exhaustion, and worry. It has also been a week of whispering Jesus’ name even when I can’t utter anything else. A week of, once again, seeing the power of choosing joy and of choosing to look for God’s perspective.
It has been a week of fighting to be the best momma possible to Weiland one minute and then failing in a bad way the next. Doing my best to raise a little disciple to know and follow Jesus, but then alternating throughout the day from raising my voice to a complete scream to choosing my phone and all that it has to offer.
It has been a week of little sleep. Both babies are teething and or fighting horrible colds. My guess is a little bit of both. Either way they are both extremely clingy and fussy without appetites, fighting naps, and waking up at night.
It has been a week of WAY more money going out than coming in. Unplanned and unbudgeted surprises leaving me feeling more financially vulnerable than I prefer to feel.
Yesterday morning I woke up to the knowledge that someone had hacked our checking account number and stole $1,000. I spent the first hour of my day on the phone with the bank, finding out that because it was our actual account number and not our debit card, I have to go through and change all of our bills to the new checking account number. Wait 7-10 days to get new checks and new debit cards.
That was my tipping point.
At about 10:30, out of desperation, I loaded up the fussy babies and my fussy self and left for a change of scenery.
I didn’t know where to go, I just new that I needed some time with Jesus. So I drove. I put on Pandora, because it gives room for the spirit to supernaturally meet me. (Just let me have this belief 🙂 )
I was driving along highway 111, crying out to Jesus telling Him that I was desperate for time with Him and His word. He whispered, “I am the word and I am here”. Comfort came, He sees me in the midst of fussy babies. He sees that it is impossible for me to sit and read the Bible, and He reminded me that He is the word! (John 1:1) I started saying verses out loud that I have memorized talking about His faithfulness and goodness. (Once again, reminded of the importance of memorizing scripture! )
An instrumental song came on and I got lost in it. I saw Jesus and me. I saw myself punching His chest and crying. He was just holding my upper arms and letting me beat His chest and cry. I eventually got tired and just went limp in His arms while sobbing. He held me. SO tightly and SO lovingly. He then pulled me away and looked me in the eyes and gently wiped away my tears. With the kindest smile, pulled me away and asked me to look into His pocket. I looked and it was SO deep. It was like Mary Poppin’s purse. I saw laughter, I saw goodness, I saw money, and I saw amazing memories to be made. He then looked at me and said, “I’ve got you. I will provide for you. Good things are coming. My pockets are so deep with blessings that you cannot even begin to fathom.” Dang!
I drove thru a fast food place I would rather not mention, okay, okay.. McDonald’s… and got the babies and I some lunch and drove home. By the time we got home the babies were ready for their naps. I laid them down and opened the Bible to the first designated verse from the reading plan that I am doing and it was John 1:1-3… God is the word.
I don’t know what your week looks like. Maybe it is awesome, maybe it is meh, and maybe it just flat out sucks. All I know is that Jesus is walking through our seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, and years with us. He is in the midst. He sees us. He loves us. He has good stuff in store for us!
Maybe you too need to be reminded of God’s deep pockets. His blessings that never end. His goodness that never ends. His love that never ends.
Take a few minutes and ask Jesus for a sneak peak into His pocket for you and watch Him meet you so intimately and perfectly like He is always capable of doing!