Long time no write! I think about this blog and my readers often. When I think about sitting down and attempting to write a post, I get overwhelmed. I don’t even know where to begin so I just don’t post.
Today I am hosting an open house for my client’s home, so I have some time to formulate my thoughts, 3 hours to be exact 🙂
This season has been very unique. It has been a season of solitude. It has been a season of introspection. It has been a season of richness.
It seems as though every time I turn around God is working in me or speaking to me. It is such sweet intimacy that I don’t want it to ever end. The other day Jason was joking to a friend that he is waiting for Jesus to tell me to clean the kitchen 🙂 I laughed pretty hard. I usually have one nap time a day to take advantage of. It is either time with Jesus, a shower, or clean the house…I choose Jesus. So my poor husband lives in a dirty house with a dirty wife, at least my soul is squeaky clean 🙂
This does not mean that I do not have hard days. This does not mean that I have stopped yelling at Weiland or that I have stopped going to food or shopping for comfort.
This is where I short circuit. I have never been more hungry for Jesus and His word in my entire life, so I automatically and subconsciously put pressure on myself that my life should look more perfect than it does. It is definitely evolving, changing, and reflecting more of who I want to be every day, but I don’t arrive and I never will on this side of heaven. I have to be okay with that and show myself grace. It is what keeps me desperate and on my knees for Jesus.
It is so hard for me to fathom God’s perfect and massive grace for me. It causes me to short circuit. I can often be caught staring into space because I just can’t wrap my mind around God’s incredible and never-changing character. His pursuit is relentless, gentle, and so kind. He sees me the midst of my brokenness and delights in me. A human mind cannot fathom this kind of affection.
So, I don’t know where you are as you read this. Some of you may not own a Bible. Some of you may not know where your Bible is. Some of you may have it laying open next to you right now. It doesn’t matter where you are in this current season. My same amazing God is relentlessly pursuing you as well. Allow Him in. Allow Him to love you perfectly. Allow Him to break down walls around your heart. Allow Him to take control of your finances. Allow Him to mend your broken marriage. Allow Him to restore your hope and trust in Him. Allow Him to cradle your hurting body in His capable arms. He is more than able to carry whatever you are holding onto today.
Personally I am on a journey of figuring out why I turn to food and shopping for control. I am determined with God’s help to get to the bottom of it so that I can more easily relinquish control when future hardships hit.
You are not alone. We are in this together. Jesus sees you and beams with pride over His beautiful son/daughter. You are enough.