This last 4 days have been some of the emotionally hardest days that I have had in a very long time. There are so many things out of my control that are happening around me that I cannot fix. So many people that I love that are hurting and I can’t take way their pain.
You don’t have to know me very long to know that I am a feeler. I am basically a walking heart. I feel big and I feel deep. So, when people around me are hurting, I hurt at such a paralyzing and deep level.
After talking with my older sister yesterday morning, I realized that I am in over my head in so many areas of my life. I am praying non stop, I am worshiping, I am in the word, but what I have learned is that you can be doing all those great things and still attempting to carry the pain and attempt to save and fix those around you.
I was driving to drop Marty off at school this morning and I glanced down to see like 5 of our dashboard warning lights were on. Right away, I got an image of my own personal “dash board” and I was blinded. I realized that I have a lot of warning lights on and if I don’t tend to them and take them to the “mechanic” serious damage to the truck is not far behind.
I knew right away I needed some solitude. I needed soul care. So, I left work early to visit with the ultimate “mechanic”. I listed out my “warning lights” and then put my pen down to hear what He had to say. So thankful that I have a good, gracious, loving, and interactive God. He isn’t here to shame or condemn us. He is here to respond with love and gentle guidance. He is our ultimate hope, strength, peace, and healer.
It is baffling to me that the creator of the universe is here with little me in my little room, in my little town, and at the same time in hospital rooms with the sick, in homes comforting those in grief, in classrooms offering patience and guidance to the teachers, in cars drying tears of those who don’t know how they are going to pay this month’s house payment, and then, in the center of giant rooms full of thousands of people attending conferences in pursuit of Him all over the world. He knows no bounds. He knows no limits. His capacity to carry us and our needs is limitless no matter how many warning lights we have on in our lives.
I don’t know how lit up your dashboard is today as you read this. Maybe you have no lights on and you’re running smoothly, maybe one light, or maybe 10. No matter how many lights you have or don’t have, all of our needs are the same. We are all desperate for Jesus. Desperate for His breath to fill our lungs. Desperate for His perspective when things don’t make sense. Desperate for for His hope when we turn on the news for 5 seconds. Desperate for His daily forgiveness when we operate less than we know He’s called us to. Desperate for His presence when we feel lonely, isolated, or misunderstood.
There is desperation in all of us from the minute we were born. We were created to be desperate for our creator.
This is what I learned today, God wired us all uniquely. He has wired me to feel empathetically. It is a gift. But I have to know how to operate in my empathy and at the same time, release the pain around me to the ultimate “mechanic”. The God who is the best possible savior, healer, and comforter. He never asked me to step in that role. All He asks of me is to love, support, show grace, and comfort as an extension as Him. I can’t control the outcome, but I can control how I respond to the needs around me.
As I surrender and let go, one by one my warning lights will disappear.