One year ago, today, we got the keys to our fixer upper. One year ago our church was about to encounter a HUGE season of the unknown. One year ago, because of my insecurities, I was missing out on some of the most incredible relationships I could have ever dreamed of having. One year ago, we thought adopting Molly was a done deal. One year ago, I thought “I just wasn’t the Bible reading type”. One year ago, I was so consumed with my hurts, offenses, and insecurities that I was self-consumed. One year ago, I was attempting to run with shackles on. One year ago, I saw myself as a chubby 8 year old in the fetal position rocking back and forth, scared to look up. One year ago, I felt forgotten by God.
A lot can happen in a year.
Today, we still live in our fixer upper, but we have made some pretty sweet improvements and I love it even more than I did the day we got the keys. Today, our church is beyond what I ever dreamed or imagined it could be. Today, I have new, challenging, inspiring, and life-giving relationships. Today, we are half way through transitioning Molly to live with her birth mom and 2 of her birth siblings. Today, I cannot get enough of the Bible. It’s breath of fresh air is constantly sustaining me, challenging me, and hitting me at the core. Today, I am leading a table in our mom’s group and women’s Bible study group. Today, I am running shackle free with my arms spread as far as they can with a massive smile on my face. Today, I am a 37 year old woman, standing, looking up, and dancing. Today, I am baffled by how much God thinks of me, loves me, sustains me, interacts with me, and dances with me.
You are not stuck. Where ever you are in the process of your journey, there is good to be had. A single encounter with Jesus is all it takes. A sensitivity to His spirit. A willingness to step out and be vulnerable. Jesus is so madly in love with you. As I type this, my eyes are filled with tears because of the truth of God’s love and massive plans for you. He wants so desperately for you to know His powerful presence. No matter what your circumstances are, there is good. There is joy. There is strength. There is hope. It may be hard to comprehend in your season right now, but, I just want you to know that I have been there.
In my life, I have been bent over throwing up with anxiety. I have been stuck in bed with depression. I have been lonely. I have sabotaged relationships out of my brokenness. I have wondered how we were going to pay our mortgage. I have felt what it feels like to be in a place of despair in my marriage. I have seen about 72 negative pregnancy tests. I have questioned God’s love and plan for me.
ONLY God’s spirit is capable of bringing me to where I am today. I am not the only one, ONLY God’s spirit is capable of bringing you out of where you are today.
You are not alone. You are pursued. You are loved. God sees you.
Release and allow today to be day one of your “1 year ago”.