Dear Martin’s Birth Mom…

Today is our son’s 3rd birthday. I was just sitting on the floor playing with him and it hit me, “I wonder how you are doing today”? My heart instantly started aching for you and the emotions that may be flooding your heart every June 30th, and other days, for that matter.

I doubt that you will ever read this blog, but I don’t want to doubt what God can do ๐Ÿ™‚

I want to thank you. Thank you for your courage and strength to choose adoption for Marty. He has brought so much healing and joy into our family. He is a gift that I will NEVER stop thanking Jesus for. His life is a miracle that you selflessly chose to give life to.

Marty is goofy, kind, and joyful. He has big dimples, big brown eyes, and big lips! He’s always smiling and laughing. In the last month he has potty trained himself and taught himself to swim. You created an adorable little smarty pants ๐Ÿ™‚

If you ever find this blog and recognize this picture, know that he is in good hands. He is loved by all. He is a gift that you have given us and we will never stop thanking you and our God.

You are in our thoughts and prayers. Praying that Jesus’ pursuit of you is obvious and His love is undeniable in your life.


Marty’s other momma ๐Ÿ™‚


Sweetness in the Solitude

Hello! Long time no blog. It’s not for lack of substance to write about, but for lack of clarity as to what to write about.

Jason was blessed to have 4 weeks off this last month and so I decided to fast from Instagram while he was off from work. I wanted to be able to be fully present and engage with the family. During this time of intentionality, I experienced sweetness with my family, with my girls, and with my Jesus.

As I was journaling yesterday, I could feel a blog brewing and I knew it was time to speak up on here and social media. I never want to live my life learning lessons and not sharing them in case someone else is going through the same thing. My prayer is to live a life of encouragement to the best of my ability, so here it goes! ๐Ÿ™‚

First things first, I have had to apologize to Jesus for this one. Awhile back I hurt my back pretty bad. I couldn’t sit on hard surfaces, I had a hard time sleeping, I could barely stand once I had been sitting or laying down. It was so painful. I have been working out about 5 times a week for a few months now so I am sure that was part of it. Anyways, I was going to bed one night and I begged Jesus to heal my back and then I told him, “Never mind, why would you heal my back? What do you get out of this? There is no point in healing my back.” I felt Him gently speak to my spirit, “What if I wanted to heal it just because your my kid and I love you?” The next morning, no lie, I woke up and my back was totally better! I went to the gym and catered to it because I kept thinking there was no way it was healed. But it was! I am a loud mouth and I tell everyone who is anyone when something cool happens, but I mentioned this to ONLY 2 people. It felt embarrassing or like I was making it up. One of those people even said to me, “Maybe you really didn’t hurt your back to begin with”. So my first lesson of sweetness in this solitude is this: Never stop asking Jesus for healing. Even if it seems stupid or unimportant. I don’t care if it’s a bee sting, a head ache, or cancer. Jesus wants to heal it all! He is a good daddy who likes to heal His kids.

Secondly, there is so much power in stepping away from social media. I have loved being fully present with my family and those close to me during this last 4 weeks. Nothing has distracted me, well, except for Candy Crush :), and it has been so much easier to engage in the present and take pictures just because I wanted to capture the moment for me. I debated even going back on at all, but I had a friend tell me a story about how my posts encouraged her to pursue Jesus and His joy. So, if Jesus is going to use my posts even just for one person, I’m back on! ๐Ÿ™‚

Thirdly, like I said previously, I have been working out diligently since the middle of March and watching what I eat since the end of 2017. The numbers on the scale have barely moved so I have gotten discouraged quite often. I then had a friend encourage me to list out all of my non scale victories. Okay, any of you in this boat with me, DO THIS EXERCISE! It was so encouraging. I had 9 victories on my list and it helped shift my perspective and remind myself that I am doing this for health and not a number. You too, my friend, are more than a number. Keep pursuing health and do your best to ignore the number on the scale.

Lastly, ย the importance of “surrender, trust, and then watch” keeps coming up in my life. This is so hard for me as I am a pretty intense control freak. Whether I want to help someone I love feel better, get my child to obey or my husband to understand, maybe the stress of finances, or the fact that I don’t feel done building my family but I have no control how or when our next child could come. The power of surrender is incredible. When done successfully it is so liberating and joyous. I have been able to surrender on occasion, where I lose my patience is the trust/watch portion. Jesus has taught me in this sweet solitude over and over again, that my part in this relationship is to trust, even when it feels like its taking forever or not happening like I think it should. His ways are always higher and better and His promises are true. If this truth could penetrate our hearts and minds, it would revolutionize our lives. Who wants less than best?! I know that I don’t want to settle in any area of my life, so if the timing isn’t right for what I’m asking for, then please, Lord, don’t bring it to pass.

So, here you have it! These are my most significant lessons learned during this sweet time of solitude. I am so thankful to serve such an incredible God. When we live life WITH Him, nothing else matters. His presence is never ending and always available.

Take some time today. Even if it is minutes, and just sit with your Abba, let Him whisper how much He loves you ๐Ÿ™‚