Head in the Clouds

I really want this blog to be Jesus inspired. Because of this my posting is sporadic. No rhythm or rhyme to it. I don’t want to spend my time or you to spend your time on anything that will not draw either of us closer to Jesus and His massive heart for us. That being said, I was sharing something that the Lord spoke to me this morning with my mom and she nudged me in the direction of sharing it on my blog. So, here I am! 🙂

Recently a friend told me that it seems like I have been knocked off my track. It definitely resonated with me. It was a light bulb moment of giving words and an analogy to what has been going on internally. I have been doing my best to choose joy. I have been doing my best to rest in God’s strength and peace. But, I have felt this side swipe and haven’t been able to pinpoint what triggered it until this week.

My head has been in the clouds. My head has been 5 -10 years down the road. I have been striving and pushing because I have been so pumped about my future. My dreams, goals, and passions have surpassed where my feet are currently planted. My happiness has been in what is to come, not what is currently present. When this reality hit me a couple weeks ago a heaviness fell on me. A disappointment. A dark discouragement. I was thrown off my track by my reality.

My reality of a recent diagnosis of ADHD over my precious boy, a reality of saying good bye to by baby girl, a reality of diapers, a reality of being in the trenches as a mom. I have not been present. I have been holding out for what is to come instead of sitting on the floor with my kids. Playing Wii Mario Brothers with my 5 year old. Instead of sitting with my amazing husband after bedtime, I have blogging or vlogging to have my outlet of ministry. Not that outlets are bad, but the priorities need to be in place. My passions, dreams, and goals have become more important to me than my husband, kids, and dreams.

Because of my head being in the clouds, I haven’t been able to soak in the magnitude and amazingness of God’s work right here were my feet are planted. Baptizing a mom from the table I lead at Mom2Mom at church. Sharing in the lives of hurts and miracles of the women that I weekly sit next to at the groups that I attend. Being able to tell my foster daughter’s birth mom to go to the dealership because she had a car waiting there for her. The chance to serve and love weekly on the littles of our Children’s Department at church.

Friends, God is at work all around us. TODAY. Today, we have our kids that look to us for leading, loving, and playing. Today, we have friends that could use a spontaneous coffee, card, or maybe flowers. Today, some of us have a spouse that could use a letter of encouragement, maybe their favorite meal, or even just our attention. Today, we have neighbors that don’t know our amazing and mind-blowing Jesus. Make them cookies, drop off a card, or even invite them to church! Today, we have co-workers that just need to be heard, loved, respected. Today, we have single parents, homeless families, and/or unemployed hurting people surrounding us that could use some financial help that we are able to provide.

This morning when I was praying and reading through John I was overcome by God’s character and love. I realized that Jesus is my dream. Jesus is my goal. Jesus is my purpose. Jesus is my future. TODAY, Jesus is enough. Day in and day out as I cling to Him, I will remain close to HIS heart. I know for me I prefer my head and heart being close to Jesus over a cloud. 🙂

I think we all need to just trust God’s pace. He wired us. He knows us. If He has whispered a dream to you, it will come to pass in His timing. Tuck it away, and pursue today and all that it has to offer. Before you know it 5 years from now will be here. Don’t miss out on where your feet are planted because you’re stuck in what you hope is to come.

Allow Jesus to sustain you in this season. Look all around you and you will see Him. You will see opportunities to be tangible Jesus in the lives around you. In your home, in your work, in your church, in your kid’s schools, and in your neighborhoods.

We are the hands, feet, heart, and eyes of Jesus while we are here on earth. Join me, look down where your feet are planted and find joy in serving Jesus no matter what your circumstances are. The less we focus on our challenges, the more selfless we will become.

Infertility and Mother’s Day

The buzz has begun, the greeting cards are out and the the Etsy advertisements are suggesting. It feels like the pregnant bellies and ultra sound pictures are popping out faster than the spring flowers. Mother’s Day is upon us.

You swear, you are the only woman on the planet that is not a mom yet. You are dreading Sunday, already planning not to leave the house, turn on the TV, or go on social media.  You feel alone. You feel tired. You feel sad. Nothing that anyone says to you makes a difference. You’ve read the verses, you’ve heard the sermons, and maybe you’ve even read the blogs. You feel the real, the gigantically overwhelming, and almost unbearable weight of infertility more so this time of the year than any other.

This may be the hardest post that I have ever written because I know. I have been there and some days I am still there.  For the last 8 1/2 years, I have read the blogs, heard the sermons, and got the verses. You are not alone.

My attempt through this post is to prayerfully have it be your manna even just for todays.

Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to mourn. Allow yourself to be authentic and honest in your pain. Maybe it’s early on for you and it’s the very first negative pregnancy test that you’ve seen, maybe you just had ANOTHER miscarriage, or maybe you are 10 years in of longing to be a mom but there just isn’t anymore a doctor can do. I don’t know what your specific situation is, but I do know that Jesus is intimately involved in the details. He sees you. He cries with you. He holds you. You are not alone. There are over 200,000 cases of infertility a month. 1 in 3 women miscarry. Not all women know that they have miscarried and even those that do know, don’t talk about it. It can be so lonely. But, it is happening all around us.

I remember when I miscarried on Christmas Eve of 2009 I was crippled with a crushed heart. My mom and sister had to drive out to the desert from Murrieta to pick me up because Jason had all of the Christmas Eve services to play in at church. It didn’t make sense why and I was so sad that my greatest heart’s desire couldn’t be met. Totally out of control. Nothing I could do to be a mom.

God is the creator of life and if it isn’t His timing, He must be up to something. He is intentional. His ways are higher. His thoughts are greater.  After my miscarriage my doctor told me he was surprised I got pregnant when I had PCOS.  I thought, “Awesome! number 1 leading cause in infertility. I got pregnant and lost the baby!” (insert sarcastic tone)

God has continually been present. He has never left my side. He has continued to be my daily manna. Negative test after negative test. Failed fertility treatment after failed fertility treatment. He was and continues to be my strength. My joy. My peace. My completion.

You are not broken. You are on a journey designed by God. The author and creator of life is at work and can be trusted. He is writing a story in you that will far surpass anything that you can fathom.

So, this week leading up to Mother’s Day, I am thinking of you that long, pray, and weep over becoming a mom. I am confident that Jesus will meet you, comfort you, and be your manna as long as you press in to Him. Put on the worship music, take your thoughts captive, cling to His Word. Pamper yourself. Get your nails done, get a massage, and go get a delicious meal. Celebrate YOUR story that God is INTENTIONALLY writing.

You are chosen. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are complete.


Foster Care and Jesus

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about foster care and our experience with it.

We have adopted 2 out of the 5 foster children that have been placed in our home. Coincidentally, the boys are who get adopted and the girls are who we have had to say good bye to. For as long as I can remember, I have always envisioned myself as a mom of boys so it makes sense to my brain. Still hurts my heart to lose our girls, for sure, but SO thankful for my incredible miracle boys!

Throughout this journey with our current foster daughter, a reality has smacked me in the face. If more Jesus followers would participate in the foster care system with the mindset of not only fostering these children, but fostering their parents as well, I can’t help but imagine the impact it would have in our respective cities.

We are in the process of watching a miracle unfold before our eyes. That doesn’t mean that there are not hard days where I want to crawl into a hole, but the only way for me to explain our relationship with our foster daughter’s mom is miraculous.

God is an incredible multi tasker and He knew what He was doing when He asked us to say “yes” to this beautiful baby 20 months ago. If I would have known all of the twists and turns along the way, I can’t say that I would have said “yes”. I wouldn’t have been able to dream up or comprehend that it could ever turn out the way it has, so I probably would have backed out. How tragic!

The fact that we have been able to raise this miracle the first year and a half of her life is amazing, but what’s more amazing to me is the relationship with her mom that I have gained. This mom just needed someone to believe in her, assume the best for her, and unconditionally love her. It is not Jason and I that have done this, it is Jesus who, for some reason, has entrusted us with her and loves her through us. We GET to be the people who have a relationship with this mom. It is an honor and privilege to know her and do life with her.

It hasn’t always been easy. We have had to build trust with each other. Us with her because we knew about her past and her with us because we had her daughter and she has had many relationships fall a part and break her trust. Once the trust was built with this birth mom, it became easier. NOT easy, but easier.

The most difficult of the journey for me right now is consistently being misunderstood. Misunderstood by pretty much everyone surrounding the birth mom, except for her, thankfully! She has been amazing by being open and honest with questions and concerns as they arise. Because of the trust we have built early on, we always get through whatever it is that she has been told about Jason and I.

Last week I finished up reading the book of Acts and it was comforting to me to see how often Paul was misunderstood. Misunderstood even to the point of beating and imprisonment. I am so thankful that I have not had to face the severity of his misunderstanding! Paul was just trying to preach truth and love those around him to Jesus. It hit me, if people don’t know Jesus, His love is going to confuse them. When confused, people try to make sense of what they don’t understand. In attempting to make sense, they would come up with lies that made sense to them.

Our love for this baby girl and our love for her mom confuses the CPS workers, birth mom’s friends, and some of her family members. This love that we have is the supernatural love that God has for us. It’s the love that He calls us to pour out to all those that we interact with. Even when it hurts. Love Does, as my hero, Bob Goff yells from the roof tops 🙂

What if, what if we as the Church embraced the foster care system? What if we as the Church loved so well that the confusion would fade because workers, parents, and foster care children came to know Jesus and His love for them?!

As Jesus followers, I think more of us need to embrace these kids AND their families. We are all just one bad decision away from being in their same position. Hurt people, hurt people and we are all broken and far from perfect. I know it took me a LONG time to even meet our foster daughter’s mom because I was scared. Too many unknowns. My fear nearly kept me from having one of the most amazing relationships that I have ever had. I learn from this courageous, hard-working, and determined momma on a daily basis. She encourages me, inspires me, and makes me laugh regularly.

So, what if…What if, we as believers took on the foster care system. Not only to provide loving and stable homes for these kids in a scary and sad time in their lives, but also their parents!? What would God be able to do in us and through us if we would just say “yes!”??


It’s been just over a year since we purchased our fixer upper. When I say fixer upper, I mean fixer upper. Nothing has been touched in it since the 70’s. I am hoping that our 2 air conditioning units will make it through another summer. Our pool pump went out, without any notice of it not working properly, this week. We have had one thing after another that needs fixed or replaced.

All this to say, I have an ongoing and massive “honey do” list. I don’t meant to….BUT…as Jason, I mean literally as he is finishing a project,  I am asking him or maybe some times telling him in a spoiled way what to do next on the list. Without ever giving him time to enjoy the project that he just finished and, I am ashamed to say, without ever thanking him for finishing the project that he just finished.

He usually looks at me and responds with an eye roll or smirk 🙂  Much more graciously than I would respond, for sure!

It wasn’t until this week that I realized what I have been doing to poor Jason for the last YEAR. Thankfully, Weiland helped teach me 🙂 I was grabbing a spoon and milk for Weiland’s cereal on Monday morning and as I was literally opening the drawer to get the spoon, Weiland asks, “can I have some juice?” I looked at him and said, “there is only one of me and I am still trying to get you your cereal.” It seems so small, but I felt so unappreciated. He hadn’t even had a bite of the cereal and there was no thank you for the cereal, just another demand….Oops.

Right away, in the midst of responding to Weiland it hit me, this must be how Jason feels around the house. I felt horrible. This was just getting cereal! This wasn’t hanging drywall, painting, laying tile floors, trimming the trees, or any of the other one million things that Jason has accomplished in the last year around the house. Not to mention the ongoing maintenance of both vehicles. I thought to myself, “he must feel so under appreciated.”

That morning, I apologized to Jason and thanked him for how hard he works around the house and just for our family in general.  I could tell that the apology meant a lot to him and breathed life into him.

It is crucial for thriving and healthy relationships that we make an intentional effort to appreciate those around us. Not just appreciate them in our heads and hearts, but to their faces. Maybe through a card, or a coffee, or our powerful words.

It could be our spouses or maybe our kids? Friends? Coworkers? Bosses? Teachers? Coaches? Pastors?

There is so much power in appreciating those around us.

It breathes life into our bones when our work goes noticed. At least, I know for me it does. I know the Bible talks about doing all that we do for Him and not those around us, but we are human and could use some appreciation and notice every once in awhile.

So, right now…send a text/email, write a card, deliver a coffee, have flowers delivered…whatever works for you, but do something to let those on your team know that you appreciate them!


In This Together

It has been a week full of mommas reaching out to me. Not just any mommas, these are  tired, depressed, aimless, frustrated, and lonely mommas. Mommas who love Jesus and  love their babies. I just keep telling each one of them, “you’re not alone”.

These women are drowning in guilt from yelling at their kids, using the TV as a baby-sitter, or lack of self-care. Life seems to feel like it is swallowing them up, leaving them with just a small amount of fight left in them. There is also a common frustration and sadness of a disconnect with their spouses.

I do my best to encourage them and point them to scripture, podcasts, and worship music. Ultimately, I just want all of these amazing and beautiful women to know that they are not alone.

I am one of these mommas. I regularly tell myself that I am not alone. I regularly fight the overwhelming guilt that arises from yelling at my kids, using the TV as a baby-sitter, and not taking care of myself. I have also felt it when disconnection rears it’s ugly head in my marriage. So, I put on a podcast, I listen to worship music, or I read the Bible.

In exchange, Jesus comes. Jesus shows His power. Jesus sustains. Jesus breathes life.

So, if you are reading this and you fall into the category along with all of us tired mommas doing our best but some days just feeling like we are falling short. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We are in this together. I promise that as soon as you call out to Jesus, He will meet you! He will be your security. He will be your peace. He will be your strength. He is good and He is faithful. There are days when I go to bed feeling like a failure as a momma and the minute I call out to Jesus, He comforts me with the truth that I am not alone and how much He loves me. Without fail, EVERY TIME, Jesus speaks life and prepares me with a fresh batch of grace as I approach the next day.

I want this for you SO BAD…

Life was not meant to be lived alone. God is relational and and we were created in His image.    Where ever you live, I am sure that there is a local group that you can be a part of. Use the amazing Google and find yourself an appealing group to belong to. Art class? Cooking class? Dance class? Music class? A MOPS group? A women’s Bible study? Join a gym and attend classes. The community is out there, we just have to boldy step out and get it!

The pay off is great. The courage will be worth it. It takes a village and it takes a good team on your side. Throw up the white flag and watch God meet you like you could have never asked or imagined.

This evening as I was writing this post I got an excerpt of a book from a friend. It applies perfectly to this post so I thought I would share. WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER!


Anything I can pray for, please don’t hesitate to reach out 🙂