It’s been longer than I like it to be since my last post. Being married to a pastor there are definitely seasons when “me time” diminishes for a short bit, and Easter is definitely one of those seasons 🙂 Beyond grateful for this Easter season, I come to you on the other side of an incredible celebration with our church family. You can watch the service here, if you would like 🙂 So proud of Jason and his team for all of their dedication and hard work that went into making it such a great service!
Over the last 7 months God has been showing me glimpses of His character through the help of His spirit and my mind and heart are continually challenged, encouraged, inspired, and BLOWN!
I started reading through the Bible in chronological order over the last couple of months. Made it through Genesis, Job, and then finished Exodus yesterday. Dreading Leviticus … just keeping it real 🙂
A couple of weeks ago I was in the part of Exodus where God speaks to Moses through a burning bush, turned a stick into a serpent, and gave him a pocket of leprosy for his hand…I was beating my head agains the wall so confused how Moses could continue to argue with God about wether or not he was the guy to approach Pharaoh. I was talking to Jason and a friend of ours one night about what an idiot I thought Moses was. I told them, if God made something He wanted me to do as clear as He did to Moses, I would do it, no questions asked. Stoked that I heard so clearly from Him. Free from fear and full of confidence, I would do whatever He asked of me. WHATEVER He asked. They laughed at me and Jason may or may not have mockingly called me a “saint”. But honestly, in my head, I couldn’t think of being able to tell God “no”, if I knew for sure He was telling me to do something.
That night I was laying bed, attempting to search out my heart, and talking with Jesus. “Lord, have I told you ‘no’ to anything that you have asked of me? If I have, please reveal that to me so that I can change my answer!” Just like the gentleman that He is, He gently and lovingly brought to mind the second greatest command… I shot up out of bed. All this book and Bible reading, praying, journaling, and worship music means nothing if I am not loving all around me. Undeniably and radically at the forefront of my mind was my critical and judgmental tendencies. The way it is repeated and prioritized throughout scripture, it may as well have been a burning bush, stick turning in to a serpent, or a pocket full of leprosy… God calls me to love ALL and I tell Him “no” on a regular basis. I may have my excuses that may seem valid to our human minds, but have no validity to my Jesus who in His final breaths asked His Father to forgive those who just beat, mocked, and spit at Him.
I sit here today typing to you in the midst of a journey of learning to love more unconditionally, generously, and graciously. ALL people. Not just those whom love me so well. Not just the sweet, polite, and kind individuals that I encounter. But those that have slandered me, those that have misrepresented me, those that drive me nuts, those that cut me off on the freeway, judges and workers that make what I believe to be poor choices on behalf of the babies I have grown to love, those that require the extra patience and grace, etc… Or what about my incredible husband that works so hard and loves me so well…Or my son with ADHD that makes me want to jab my eyes out regularly…
From a place of vulnerability I write to you telling you that I am just beginning this journey of a Jesus kind of love. Today I yelled at Weiland so loud that I hurt my throat. Today I fought bitterness and jealousy. Today I was unkind to Jason. I say all of this to you because I need you to know that I am coming to you from a place of knowing how difficult it is to abide by 1 Corinthians 13.
But then, I am encouraged. After spending so much time studying God’s character and sitting in His presence, I am so thankful that God sees my heart. He sees my hunger to know Him and be more like Him. His grace covers me when I love less than I feel called. I have a daddy who is so proud of me, and I am not the only one! You have a daddy that is so proud of you. It doesn’t matter how much you “messed up” today. His grace is big. His love is big. We are not on this journey of being Jesus followers alone. We have each other and we have an almighty God who sustains us. Completes us. In Him we are enough. Just as we are.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
No more striving. No more beating yourself up. Just be. Just rest. Just embrace His love, grace, and forgiveness for you on this journey. Embrace it for yourself, and then what I am finding is that I am able to extend it so much more effectively. You can’t give away something that you have no idea what it is. So…soak in that grace…marinate in His scriptures of truth over you…breathe in His massive love for you…
You’ve got this…We are in this together…
“I’m convinced that God, who began this good work in you, will carry it through to completion on the day of Christ Jesus” – Philippians 1:6