Do You Trust Me?

I remember it so clearly. It was a Monday night at women’s Bible study. A friend of mine told me that her husband’s cousin was going to be delivering a baby that would be placed with CPS at delivery and she asked me if I knew of a good Christian family who was approved through the county to foster adopt this baby girl. I was holding our tiny 6 week old Marty and I told her, “me!” knowing full well that Jason would call me crazy and shut that down real quick like. She laughed and said, “No, really. If you think of anyone let me know. She’ll be here in a few weeks.”

I went home and casually brought it up to Jason. His reaction was predictable. An adamant “no”. I felt crushed. I went into our room and journaled to Jesus my heart towards this baby girl. I sent a text to my mom and sisters to ask them to confirm my craziness that I wanted another newborn. They agreed and validated my feeling of craziness. I just remember thinking, journaling, and even telling Jason, “Bob Goff (one of my heroes) would say, ‘yes!’ Love Does!” That night I felt a very deep sense that I had to drop it. I had to let it be and allow God to change Jason’s heart if we were supposed to bring this baby home.

Fast Forward six weeks. I am in the shower and from the glass I can see that my phone is ringing. I couldn’t see who it was, but I KNEW.  It is almost as though the Lord spoke to my heart that it was my friend and the baby had been born and is ready for a home. I immediately started panicking. Anxiety was overcoming me. The breathing exercises weren’t working. THEN… so clearly, so gently, and so comforting, I heard, “Do you trust Me?”  Immediately, through tears, “yes, Jesus, yes. I trust you.”

I got out of the shower and sure enough the message was my friend telling me the baby was about to be released from the NICU and needed a home. I called her back and got details. Told her that I would approach Jason one more time and see what he says, but in the mean time I gave her a name of an amazing couple who have wanted to adopt to see if they would be able to get emergency certified through the county to be placed with the baby.

I called Jason and told him all the details about this baby that I knew and heard. He surprisingly responded with needing time to consult his mentor and pray about it. In the next day or two Jason’s heart did a 180 and the other family wasn’t able to be emergency certified through the county. Before I knew it, I was on the phone with the social worker telling him that we wanted to take this baby home. Within 48 hours we were driving to Loma Linda to meet our daughter in the NICU. A week later we were bringing her home to live with us. Social services telling us from the moment we said yes to her, that this is a “slam dunk adoption case”.

Here we are today, a little over 14 months from the day we brought her home and we are 2 weeks into Molly doing overnight visits with her birth mom in preparation for her to be reunified permanently in February.

Our community is the most incredible community on the planet. Almost daily I get a text message or a phone call from someone in our community checking in on me to see how I am doing.

I cannot tell you how many times that Jesus has gently reminded me of the question that He asked me in the shower that day…too many to count. Every time we get hard news. Every time I have a day that is rough emotionally or mentally. Every time that visits get increased. “Do you trust me?”

So to answer the question, “How are you doing?” I have hard moments. But more times than not, I am overwhelmed with God’s peace. A supernatural peace that overcomes my body. The truth is, I trust Jesus with all that I am. I trust Him with Molly. I trust Him with my boys. I trust Him with my heart. I trust Him with this entire process. He has never left me. He will see us through. Here is the truth. I will get through and I will be okay. It doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt and there won’t be tears shed. What this means is that I will walk every excruciating step with Him until I get to the other side.  God is good. God is faithful. God is gentle. God is the perfect comforter. God gives good gifts. He is a good daddy. He can be trusted.

As of now, the fact is that I can’t worry about tomorrow. Today, Molly is in our home. She needs and deserves a totally attentive and reckless love. Today, my boys need a mom who is choosing joy. A mom who gets out of bed ready to love them and interact with them. Today, my husband needs a wife and partner to walk through this while passionately pursuing God and His strength. As long as I keep the perspective and truth that I am on this earth to know Jesus and make Him known, I am good. Today is good.

So, I pass on this image of Aladdin to you. Is God calling you to trust Him in a way that may seem impossible to trust Him? Maybe He is asking you to get on the “magic carpet” and go on an adventure with Him?! Maybe He is looking at you financial needs with you and holding out His hand to you. Maybe you are longing to be married or longing to have children. Maybe your heart is in paralyzing pain over a life event. I don’t know what it is in your life that you are struggling through, or maybe wrestling with, but I want to throw out this question to you, will you trust Him?”


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