I can remember it like it was yesterday. We had just spent the day riding bikes around Coronado Island. It was an amazing day in the midst of a rough week. I remember we weren’t connecting, communicating well, or being very patient and loving with each other. But, I knew, our first Valentine’s Day was the next day so it was going to be awesome! Right?!
Well, he dropped me off at my apartment and told me, “I need some space, I don’t know for how long. I just know I need time to think about this relationship and where it’s going.”
I began crying that Sunday night and didn’t stop until that Thursday evening. I had to miss work because I couldn’t keep myself composed. I remember my best friend leaning by my bed and I was sobbing uncontrollably. It felt like my life was over. I couldn’t eat and It was hard to breathe.
I drove out to be with my mom and sisters in Murrieta on Wednesday. On Thursday a few of my roommates drove out from Fullerton to check in and be with me… (because that’s what good roommates/friends do)
It was Thursday that Jesus spoke so clear to me. Jason had become an idol in my life. I cared more about what he thought than Jesus. I craved time with him more than I did with Jesus. I realized how Jason had taken a place in my life that no human should ever take. Immediately, I apologized to Jesus and surrendered my future to him. I knew right then, Jason may not choose me, but I would be okay. I knew that I chose Him, but I didn’t NEED him. I would survive if this break was permanent.
The next day he came over to talk and I told him exactly the heart transformation that had happened the day before. He took my hand and said, “I choose you. I just knew I couldn’t be God for you.”
We were engaged 3 weeks later.
11 years later and I am still so thankful that Jason broke up with me the day before Valentine’s Day.
So many times we let people, things, plans, or money climb up on the priority ladder. We put our hope, joy, and confidence in that raise, house, person, or _________. Then shortly after we are crushed. We find that whatever we were waiting on really doesn’t meet the needs in the depths of our being… Or maybe it never comes to pass and we are just forever critical, disappointed, or negative.
I am so thankful that Jason was able to step up and call things off. He loved Jesus enough to trust Him with the outcome of mine and his relationship. He didn’t know how it would end, but he just knew the relationship wasn’t where it needed to be.
Jesus has good in store for you. He loves you. He is a good daddy who likes to give good gifts. So many times we sell out. We get impatient and we settle for the counterfeit and miss out on His ultimate best. We just need to be patient and trust Him. Press into Him as our hope, joy, and confidence. He is worth it!!!!