Pain…Something that we all feel at some point in our lives. Could be physical and it could be emotional. In my opinion the emotional pain is by far the worst kind of pain. When one of the teen girls that I mentor come to me with a broken heart from a boy I always tell them, “I would rather have every bone in my body broken, than a broken heart”.

I believe there are even different levels of emotional pain. I remember when I was single and one of the guys would either not like me back or break up with me, I couldn’t even eat. The pain was so deep that it consumed me.  Like I’ve talked about in a previous post, Jason broke up with me after we had already started talking marriage. I remember that I couldn’t get out of bed for about 3 days. I lost weight. I couldn’t work. I was a mess. The pain was so deep.

I have been processing the pain of saying good bye to our foster daughter after having her for the first 2 years of her life. It’s been 4 months since she was last in our home and the pain is still there. Some nights the pain hurts so bad that it is difficult to breathe. A few months ago I went to our church’s women’s retreat up in the mountains. On the drive there my amazing friend, Courtney, said something that has stuck with me and has been repeating in my mind ever since.

“Jesus is not an epidural, He’s a midwife. He doesn’t want to numb the pain, He wants to deliver us from it.”

For the thousandth time I thought to myself, how do people process pain without Jesus. He is my hope. He is my strength. He is my joy. He is my song. Even though I love Jesus with my whole heart and serve Him the best I know how to, I gained 30 pounds from when we picked up Molly from the hospital until the end of last year. (2 years and 3 months) Food is what I would go to when there was a bad visit, a hard court hearing, and when I finally had to say good bye to her. Food and shopping got my devotion which has left me thicker than I’d like to be and poorer than I’d like to be 🙂 I wanted tangible. I wanted to numb the pain because it hurt too bad to feel. What I found is the numbing wore off a whole lot quicker than I had hoped.

When I went to Jesus, His compassionate arms held me, but didn’t numb the pain, so then I would pour a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. What I have learned in the recent weeks is that Jesus loves me too much to numb the pain. He wants me to process it, feel it, and release it. His healing comes when we do this process. I still miss Mo a lot, but I have never had so much joy or peace in my life than I do today.

It has only been 24 days since making some radical changes in my eating and shopping, but I finally feel like I am thriving and not just surviving. Going to Jesus instead of bread and Amazon has been so rewarding. I am sleeping better. God’s peace fills me. I am more available to my boys and my husband. But most importantly, the intimacy with the Holy Spirit is at a whole new level. My awareness of His presence carries through to all my relationships, including my relationship with my self. Showing myself grace, forgiveness, and love at a whole new level.

Does pain feel good. Oh heck no! But, I do not regret it. I wouldn’t change it for ANYTHING! As I have learned to allow the spirit to be my midwife, I have learned the power of being delivered from pain and not numbing it until it sneaks up again.

How are you doing? How is your heart? How is your mind? Are you allowing Jesus to be your midwife?

I can promise you that the Vodka, the Oxycontin, the pot, the shopping, the eating, the sex, the porn, or the self harm will not EVER deliver you from the pain. It may numb it, but the pain will always come back. Then you have the pain and the regret from how you tried to numb the pain. It isn’t easy, but if you can sit in the pain, feel it, process it, and allow Jesus to hold you and comfort you, the healing will come. God is the God of miracles. He is in the business of restoration, redemption, and making beautiful things out of dust.

You are brave. You are courageous. You have everything you need in Him, whose power resides in you, to be free of your pain. As you find freedom from your pain, you will also find that the goodness of God expands your territory for ministry. Through your healing and freedom, you will be used to help others experience healing and freedom from their pain! #worthit

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

Romans 8:28

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 11:33-36

33 Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and[a] knowledge of God!
    How unsearchable his judgments,
    and his paths beyond tracing out!
34 “Who has known the mind of the Lord?
    Or who has been his counselor?”[b]
35 “Who has ever given to God,
    that God should repay them?”[c]
36 For from him and through him and for him are all things.
    To him be the glory forever! Amen.

John 13:7

“Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”


Juice Cleanse Recap

Okay, FOR REALS, the absolute best way to start my 2018 was with the juice cleanse that I did with my dad and sister. We did 3 juices a day filled with Kale, Spinach, Ginger Root, Lemon, Cucumber, Broccoli, Celery, apples, and oranges. I cannot deal with the texture of the juice, so I added frozen mangos and pineapples to mine. SO GOOD! A few of the days I would go to our local fresh juice spot and buy one so it still felt special 🙂

2017 was by far the most unhealthy year of my life. My eating habits along with being so sedentary left me with nasty vertigo, HORRIBLE heart burn, and bloating. In addition, I had a foggy brain along with being extremely sluggish and tired all day. All of that was  just physical side effects, emotionally, I felt a lack of self respect and pride because I was not taking care of myself.

My wake up call came to me the last week of December. I was lying in bed and all of the sudden I had, “Mayday, Mayday, Mayday”, screaming in my head. I then saw myself in a hospital bed. It was as though I saw a picture of where I was headed if I didn’t take control of my health.

I immediately sent out a group text to my family seeing if anyone wanted to start the year with a 5 day juice cleanse and my dad and sisters jumped on board. So we decided, January 2-6, we would detox with juice and then for the next 5 months have a weekly weigh in so that we would have accountability with eating healthier this year. One of my sisters and I decided that if we lost 40 lbs. by June 2nd, we would go on a shopping trip.

So, with accountability and motivation in place, I was ready to kick 2018 in the teeth!

I sit here on the 10th feeling better than I have felt in years! More energy, hydrated skin, clarity of mind, no bloating, no heart burn, and no vertigo. In addition I have not had a head ache in about a week which is a huge statement because of how frequently I used to get them.  The motivation for me to eat healthy is not in numbers on a scale, but how good I feel. For now, I am juicing still 1-2 meals a day and then eating a healthy protein the other meal. I just discovered the Instant Pot and my life is forever changed. The other evening I was running late but needed to eat dinner. I threw in a piece of frozen salmon with water, lemon juice, and some salt and pepper. Within 15 minutes I was eating a piece of flaky and delicious salmon! I am all about convenience, so now I can have healthy food conveniently! Such a game changer! In addition to eating healthier, I have started the Made To Crave Devotional. Every morning I read an entry and it really helps set the pace for the day.

S0, there you have it! I hope that you can be encouraged and inspired! If I can do it, ANYONE can do it! We have one body, it is so important to take care of it.

Always remember, Accountability is essential! Round your peeps and cheer each other on! Make 2018 your healthiest!

Good Bye 2017, Hello 2018

Here I sit on the eve of the last day of the year, 2017. Also, possibly known as one of the hardest years of my life. Fitting that the word the Lord gave me the end of 2016 for this year was “joy”. I should have known 🙂

A few weeks ago Jason asked me what my recap of the word “joy” was for 2017. Without skipping a beat, I knew how to answer. The power of choosing it when everything around me and in me hurts. I don’t know about you all, but the most tangible way for me to choose joy was to be present in the moment and continually making lists of gratitude. I was in the midst of losing my daughter, but I could look in the eyes of my boys and know that God was good and could be trusted. I knew and still know today that He loves my baby girl more than I could ever fathom and so she is in good hands. That truth helped me choose joy through tears and a hurting heart.

I choose joy over the entire year of 2017. God’s hand was on me and at times carried me and I am beyond thankful.

Here are some of my most favorite hi-lights of 2017:

  1. Nanners moving in
  2. Leading my Dwelling Place and Mom To Mom tables
  3. Our annual 2 weeks in Tahoe (of course with 2 of my favorite families for one of the weeks) *best Tahoe vacation to date
  4. Reconciled and restored relationships
  5. The birth of my amazing niece, Callie Brave
  6. The Bible becoming more alive to me than ever in my 37 years of existence
  7. Watching my boys become friends
  8. Kidless weekend with Jason and friends in LA
  9. First Thrive Conference at Southwest
  10. The revolving door of teenage girls coming over to hang and educate me on the ways of life
  11. Jenkins family coming on staff at Southwest
  12. My second step study with some flipping amazing women
  13. Sister weekend in San Diego and laughing so hard it hurt
  14. Phil Wickham/Shane and Shane Christmas concert with some of my favorites
  15. Going through a devotional with Jason
  16. Increased intimacy with Jesus
  17. Marriage stronger and better than ever. Loving Jason more today than ever before
  18. Watching Jason love Jesus, his family, and his job SO well
  19. Baptizing one of the most amazing and inspiring people I know
  20. Because of God’s grace and goodness, having my friend, Courtney, in town and by my side during one of the most painful nights of my life.
  21. Weiland asked Jesus into his heart and was baptized by Jason.

These were just 20! I have so many more! BUT, it is your turn now! Maybe this was your best year yet?? Maybe it was your worst year yet?? Either way, there are at least 20 hi-lights that you can list! Don’t delay! Watch the gratitude transform your heart and mind. You will have a renewed perspective, I promise!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Now onto 2018…. “Peace” …. Here we go!

Short Circuiting


Long time no write! I think about this blog and my readers often. When I think about sitting down and attempting to write a post, I get overwhelmed. I don’t even know where to begin so I just don’t post.

Today I am hosting an open house for my client’s home, so I have some time to formulate my thoughts, 3 hours to be exact 🙂

This season has been very unique.  It has been a season of solitude. It has been a season of introspection.  It has been a season of richness.

It seems as though every time I turn around God is working in me or speaking to me. It is such sweet intimacy that I don’t want it to ever end. The other day Jason was joking to a friend that he is waiting for Jesus to tell me to clean the kitchen 🙂 I laughed pretty hard. I usually have one nap time a day to take advantage of. It is either time with Jesus, a shower, or clean the house…I choose Jesus. So my poor husband lives in a dirty house with a dirty wife, at least my soul is squeaky clean 🙂

This does not mean that I do not have hard days. This does not mean that I have stopped yelling at Weiland or that I have stopped going to food or shopping for comfort.

This is where I short circuit. I have never been more hungry for Jesus and His word in my entire life, so I automatically and subconsciously put pressure on myself that my life should look more perfect than it does. It is definitely evolving, changing, and reflecting more of who I want to be every day, but I don’t arrive and I never will on this side of heaven. I have to be okay with that and show myself grace.  It is what keeps me desperate and on my knees for Jesus.

It is so hard for me to fathom God’s perfect and massive grace for me. It causes me to short circuit. I can often be caught staring into space because I just can’t wrap my mind around God’s incredible and never-changing character. His pursuit is relentless, gentle, and so kind. He sees me the midst of my brokenness and delights in me.  A human mind cannot fathom this kind of affection.

So, I don’t know where you are as you read this. Some of you may not own a Bible. Some of you may not know where your Bible is. Some of you may have it laying open next to you right now. It doesn’t matter where you are in this current season. My same amazing God is relentlessly pursuing you as well. Allow Him in. Allow Him to love you perfectly. Allow Him to break down walls around your heart. Allow Him to take control of your finances. Allow Him to mend your broken marriage. Allow Him to restore your hope and trust in Him. Allow Him to cradle your hurting body in His capable arms. He is more than able to carry whatever you are holding onto today.

Personally I am on a journey of figuring out why I turn to food and shopping for control. I am determined with God’s help to get to the bottom of it so that I can more easily relinquish control when future hardships hit.

You are not alone. We are in this together. Jesus sees you and beams with pride over His beautiful son/daughter. You are enough.



It’s a Cookie!!

This morning my eyes zeroed in on the left over plate of chocolate chip cookies from dessert last night. I’m not gonna lie, I had a few as my breakfast. (my journey with food will be on the blog soon) Anyways, Marty walked over and I offered him a bite of my cookie. He just looked and said “no”. I thought to myself, “of course he doesn’t want a cookie with a bite out of it. He wants a new and untouched cookie”. So, I looked for the softest one in the bag and held it out for him. He looked at me and said, “no.”  I then realized that he didn’t know what it was or what it tasted like. It was easy for him to say “no” to it because he was uneducated on the goodness that was contained in that little piece of fluffiness.

This has got me thinking this morning. I think we say “no” to goodness from our daddy’s open hand on a regular basis because we don’t know what it is that He is offering. We forget His faithful and good character.

Every morning we wake up and He has good things in store, but we choose to be grumpy because we aren’t looking forward to what we think today holds. He is standing at our bed side with an open hand of an amazing day that He wants to hand us. But we choose “no”.   I am not saying that He is offering a perfect day without troubles, but I am saying that He is offering to walk through it with us and show His face and sprinkle blessings along the way.

Maybe God has a new job for you and your scared because you have been working at your job for 10 years and it’s comfortable and predictable…God is looking at you, “No, really, this cookie is delicious, warm, and will rock your world”. We look at him and say “no, thank you”.

I know for me personally I have missed out on some incredible relationships because of my insecurities, fear of rejection, or maybe just because I was lazy and didn’t feel like investing.

I am about to say good bye to someone that I pushed away for years. I allowed my insecurities and fear of rejection hold her at a distance. About a year ago, Jesus finally had his way and caused mine and this friend’s world to collide in a way that I never saw coming. She has challenged me to embrace myself through the eyes of love, grace, and kindness. She has introduced me to the holy spirit in a way that has forever changed me and my relationship with Jesus. Courtney, you are a chocolate chip cookie that I said “no” to for so long, I am so thankful for Jesus’ persistence in getting our worlds to collide. Now, I will try not to be bitter at the lost years! 😉

What is your cookie that Jesus is extending to you?

Is it a job? Is it a house? Is it a move? Is it adoption? Is it fostering? Is it a career change? Is it a relationship? Is it investing more into your marriage? Is it letting go of your finances in exchange for what Jesus has for you?

Join me, let’s quit saying no to God’s goodness when it may not look like His goodness. Say “yes!” to the unfamiliar cookie!!!

It is time to trust Him and His never-ending faithfulness. Sit back and watch His blessings pour out on us. He has good plans for us that we just have to accept, choose, and walk out.

Jeremiah 29:11 “ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”

“Samson With a Buzz Cut”

I don’t know that I have ever listened to the same message 3 times, until this month. Levi Lusko gave a message at Passion 2017 that rocked my world. Levi referred to relying on our own strength like Samson with a buzz cut. Anyone who knows the story of Samson in the Bible knows that his strength left him along with his hair when it was cut off. Levi talked about how we over and over again try to rely on our own will-power instead of God’s power. We come to find that we are just like Samson with a buzz cut. We are desperate for God’s power. His amazing and perfect power.

I am desperate for God’s power. His amazing and perfect power.

Up until last Friday, I realized that I had been trying to operate out of my own strength in a certain situation and I was failing miserably…obviously!

I found out a few weeks ago that my mentor is moving. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It took me until last Friday to pull up my big girl pants and fall into God’s strength. For weeks I cried, I ditched church, I was angry, and I was mean to those around me. Surprising enough, my own strength failed me. After a series of podcasts, hours of worship music and journaling Jesus kindly revealed to me that His strength is capable enough to carry me.

So, here I am, allowing myself to mourn the lack of proximity of someone so dear to me, but clinging to Jesus and His great strength and I am doing well 🙂 I know that God has big and good things in store for the both of us.

It is one thing to be bummed, its another thing to allow it to zap us. I don’t know about you, but in my zapping, I was selfish and not as effective as I could have been if I would have from the beginning been relying on His power and not my own.

Do you have something bumming you out? Maybe a friend moving away? Maybe work drama? Maybe you have no idea how you are going to pay August’s rent/mortgage? Maybe you are drowning in diapers? Maybe your drowning in social media as you look for your teenager? Mourning the loss of your marriage? Health issues? Can’t buy a house? Can’t sell a house? Desperately wanting to find a spouse? Maybe have a baby? Mourning a broken relationship that you care so deeply about?

You will not get through on your own power. You are desperate for God’s supernatural power that is here and ready for the taking. Don’t waste anymore time trying to get through this season on your own!

Choose Jesus. Reach out and grab His extended hand and then hold on tight because the journey is amazing and worth it!

It’s Been Awhile…

I have had it on my mind and heart to post for awhile now. I just haven’t known what to post about, so I have put it off. A few days ago, I realized it has been a month since I last posted and I had been posting 4-5 times a month. It made me think back on the last month and come to terms with why I have been silent on my blog….

It has been a difficult month.

Molly officially moved out on May 22nd. The heat has come full force. Weiland got out of school for the summer. Marty is more attached to me than a magnet on cobalt. I’d be lying if I said that I was successfully choosing joy while keeping my eyes on Jesus.

I so want this blog to be a place of encouragement and inspiration for my readers as the waves of life hit you. I haven’t felt like I have been able to write from a place of encouragement and inspiration so I just haven’t written.

I don’t like that.

I started Kay Warren’s new book last week called “Sacred Privilege” that my super sweet and thoughtful friend, Kristen, ordered for me. Kay wrote it for pastor’s wives and it could not have come at a more perfect time. Yesterday I read a chapter talking about the importance of leading vulnerably through our brokenness and difficult seasons. It reminded me that I have always wanted to be that kind of a leader so here I am writing to all of you in the midst of a difficult season 🙂

Something that has not changed, for the first time in my walk as a Christian, is that I am still in the word daily. Journaling, listening to messages, Hillsong United’s new album on repeat, and continually conversing with Jesus. It has been so incredible to be in the midst of hardship and yet still so close to Jesus. Jesus never promises us an easy life, He just promises us to never leave us as we live our lives.

Hebrews 13:5b – “God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

What I want to commit to all of you is that I will do my best to do the following: 1. Fight frustration and depression from cabin fever brought on by the burning sun. 2. Trust Jesus every Sunday evening as I hand over Molly to her mom that He will continue to fight for her and protect her. 3. Attempt to be the best possible momma to my boys by plugging into patience and grace with Weiland as I navigate his high level of energy and ADHD as well as embrace how much Marty loves me and try to remember that these days are short lived…

What can you do with your areas of frustration? How do you spend your time? What do you listen to? What do you watch? How is your abiding in Jesus looking? The Bible is very clear that apart from Jesus we can do nothing. Abiding in Him is essential in getting us to where He wants us and were we will thrive! Where is your commitment level to being surrounded by other believers that will encourage and inspire you in your walk?

We are in this together! Please don’t try to do this life alone!

Now, hopefully I will be back more frequently than the last month! Until then…hang with Jesus, hang in church, and hang with those that make you want to be more like Jesus 🙂

Peace out 🙂



Moana has been on repeat in my house. Marty LOVES it. He has moved on from Trolls and will only watch Moana now.

I am thinking that it is because I have been raised in the church, but the “Jesus” in things that are not meant to be “Jesus” stick out to me. Moana is anything but a christian movie. It’s actually quite the opposite.

Moana from as early as she can remember feels called to the Ocean. Her dad is adamantly against it as it is very dangerous because of a curse that has fallen on it. Moana is supposed to take over as chief of their island, and her dad wants her to focus on that, but the inner drawing to the ocean won’t die down. She knows that she was made for so much more. It comes time that the curse has begun to take over their island and there is no more food to harvest and the only way to heal the land is for Moana to go past the reef and “restore the heart of Te Fiti”. She is scared. She is ill-equipped. She’s never been trained as a way finder. She is an ordinary young girl setting sail who has NEVER before gone past the reef. There are times that she wants to give up on her voyage of saving her island. She cries, screams, and actually begs the ocean to pick someone else. Eventually, realizes it needs to be her and she can do it. So, she takes on the challenge, restores the heart, and heals the ocean and islands.

Here it comes, we as Jesus followers are made for so much more. We are Moana! Matthew is very clear that we are called to go out and make disciples. Our houses may be safe. Our jobs may be comfortable and stable. Our circle of friends works great as is. Our family is perfect as a family of 4. Our lives consist of predictability as much as we can help it. Saturday soccer and baseball games. Sunday morning church. Monday thru Friday, 9-5 jobs. Our finances are all allotted for, even the statistical small percentage of church members giving their 2% to the church. Beyond the reef is scary.

There are storms, uncertainties, and we are so ill-equipped. BUT, beyond the reef are widows, orphans, lonely hearts, homelessness, churches parched dry in need for volunteers, and the hurting and lost hearts of the community remaining hurt and lost because church members are holding on so tightly to their wallets.

Maybe God is asking you to make a career change. Maybe God is asking you to downsize. Maybe God is asking you to adopt or foster the orphans in your backyard. Maybe God is calling you to sign up for that mission trip. Maybe God is saying it’s time to go off birth control. Maybe God is asking you to move. Maybe God is asking you to step out and serve in the kids, students, greeting, or production departments of your church. Maybe God is asking you to open your wallets and either begin giving your first 10% of what He has blessed you with, or for those of you that maybe already give, but definitely not the 10%, are being called to step it up. Maybe, just maybe, God is speaking to you that it’s okay to miss a baseball or soccer game once a month so that you can be more involved serving in your church. It will be a powerful example to your child that Jesus will always come first in your family. Maybe it’s time to join a small group!

I don’t know what your “beyond the reef” is. BUT, I do know that when you agree to go, God will equip you. God will sustain you. God will provide for you. God will use you. If we could all link arms and take on “our island”,  revival would happen. I believe 100%  that God would rock your worlds in ways that you cannot even fathom. His blessings will pour out like a waterfall over you and your family as you obediently set sail. I am not saying that it won’t be scary, that it won’t hurt, or that it will be easy. But, I can promise that it will be worth it.



Head in the Clouds

I really want this blog to be Jesus inspired. Because of this my posting is sporadic. No rhythm or rhyme to it. I don’t want to spend my time or you to spend your time on anything that will not draw either of us closer to Jesus and His massive heart for us. That being said, I was sharing something that the Lord spoke to me this morning with my mom and she nudged me in the direction of sharing it on my blog. So, here I am! 🙂

Recently a friend told me that it seems like I have been knocked off my track. It definitely resonated with me. It was a light bulb moment of giving words and an analogy to what has been going on internally. I have been doing my best to choose joy. I have been doing my best to rest in God’s strength and peace. But, I have felt this side swipe and haven’t been able to pinpoint what triggered it until this week.

My head has been in the clouds. My head has been 5 -10 years down the road. I have been striving and pushing because I have been so pumped about my future. My dreams, goals, and passions have surpassed where my feet are currently planted. My happiness has been in what is to come, not what is currently present. When this reality hit me a couple weeks ago a heaviness fell on me. A disappointment. A dark discouragement. I was thrown off my track by my reality.

My reality of a recent diagnosis of ADHD over my precious boy, a reality of saying good bye to by baby girl, a reality of diapers, a reality of being in the trenches as a mom. I have not been present. I have been holding out for what is to come instead of sitting on the floor with my kids. Playing Wii Mario Brothers with my 5 year old. Instead of sitting with my amazing husband after bedtime, I have blogging or vlogging to have my outlet of ministry. Not that outlets are bad, but the priorities need to be in place. My passions, dreams, and goals have become more important to me than my husband, kids, and dreams.

Because of my head being in the clouds, I haven’t been able to soak in the magnitude and amazingness of God’s work right here were my feet are planted. Baptizing a mom from the table I lead at Mom2Mom at church. Sharing in the lives of hurts and miracles of the women that I weekly sit next to at the groups that I attend. Being able to tell my foster daughter’s birth mom to go to the dealership because she had a car waiting there for her. The chance to serve and love weekly on the littles of our Children’s Department at church.

Friends, God is at work all around us. TODAY. Today, we have our kids that look to us for leading, loving, and playing. Today, we have friends that could use a spontaneous coffee, card, or maybe flowers. Today, some of us have a spouse that could use a letter of encouragement, maybe their favorite meal, or even just our attention. Today, we have neighbors that don’t know our amazing and mind-blowing Jesus. Make them cookies, drop off a card, or even invite them to church! Today, we have co-workers that just need to be heard, loved, respected. Today, we have single parents, homeless families, and/or unemployed hurting people surrounding us that could use some financial help that we are able to provide.

This morning when I was praying and reading through John I was overcome by God’s character and love. I realized that Jesus is my dream. Jesus is my goal. Jesus is my purpose. Jesus is my future. TODAY, Jesus is enough. Day in and day out as I cling to Him, I will remain close to HIS heart. I know for me I prefer my head and heart being close to Jesus over a cloud. 🙂

I think we all need to just trust God’s pace. He wired us. He knows us. If He has whispered a dream to you, it will come to pass in His timing. Tuck it away, and pursue today and all that it has to offer. Before you know it 5 years from now will be here. Don’t miss out on where your feet are planted because you’re stuck in what you hope is to come.

Allow Jesus to sustain you in this season. Look all around you and you will see Him. You will see opportunities to be tangible Jesus in the lives around you. In your home, in your work, in your church, in your kid’s schools, and in your neighborhoods.

We are the hands, feet, heart, and eyes of Jesus while we are here on earth. Join me, look down where your feet are planted and find joy in serving Jesus no matter what your circumstances are. The less we focus on our challenges, the more selfless we will become.

Infertility and Mother’s Day

The buzz has begun, the greeting cards are out and the the Etsy advertisements are suggesting. It feels like the pregnant bellies and ultra sound pictures are popping out faster than the spring flowers. Mother’s Day is upon us.

You swear, you are the only woman on the planet that is not a mom yet. You are dreading Sunday, already planning not to leave the house, turn on the TV, or go on social media.  You feel alone. You feel tired. You feel sad. Nothing that anyone says to you makes a difference. You’ve read the verses, you’ve heard the sermons, and maybe you’ve even read the blogs. You feel the real, the gigantically overwhelming, and almost unbearable weight of infertility more so this time of the year than any other.

This may be the hardest post that I have ever written because I know. I have been there and some days I am still there.  For the last 8 1/2 years, I have read the blogs, heard the sermons, and got the verses. You are not alone.

My attempt through this post is to prayerfully have it be your manna even just for todays.

Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to mourn. Allow yourself to be authentic and honest in your pain. Maybe it’s early on for you and it’s the very first negative pregnancy test that you’ve seen, maybe you just had ANOTHER miscarriage, or maybe you are 10 years in of longing to be a mom but there just isn’t anymore a doctor can do. I don’t know what your specific situation is, but I do know that Jesus is intimately involved in the details. He sees you. He cries with you. He holds you. You are not alone. There are over 200,000 cases of infertility a month. 1 in 3 women miscarry. Not all women know that they have miscarried and even those that do know, don’t talk about it. It can be so lonely. But, it is happening all around us.

I remember when I miscarried on Christmas Eve of 2009 I was crippled with a crushed heart. My mom and sister had to drive out to the desert from Murrieta to pick me up because Jason had all of the Christmas Eve services to play in at church. It didn’t make sense why and I was so sad that my greatest heart’s desire couldn’t be met. Totally out of control. Nothing I could do to be a mom.

God is the creator of life and if it isn’t His timing, He must be up to something. He is intentional. His ways are higher. His thoughts are greater.  After my miscarriage my doctor told me he was surprised I got pregnant when I had PCOS.  I thought, “Awesome! number 1 leading cause in infertility. I got pregnant and lost the baby!” (insert sarcastic tone)

God has continually been present. He has never left my side. He has continued to be my daily manna. Negative test after negative test. Failed fertility treatment after failed fertility treatment. He was and continues to be my strength. My joy. My peace. My completion.

You are not broken. You are on a journey designed by God. The author and creator of life is at work and can be trusted. He is writing a story in you that will far surpass anything that you can fathom.

So, this week leading up to Mother’s Day, I am thinking of you that long, pray, and weep over becoming a mom. I am confident that Jesus will meet you, comfort you, and be your manna as long as you press in to Him. Put on the worship music, take your thoughts captive, cling to His Word. Pamper yourself. Get your nails done, get a massage, and go get a delicious meal. Celebrate YOUR story that God is INTENTIONALLY writing.

You are chosen. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are complete.